Don't Look At Me

 " Don't look at me if your looking for perfection. Don't look at me I will only let you down but I will do my best to point you  in the right direction..." Stacie Orrico


I don't know how many of your remember that song " Don't Look At Me ", but I remember it being one of my favorite songs in middle school and now that I am older I see so much truth in the song. This isn't a  song I really listen to any more but  as I think about the words I am coming to own I will let people down who are   around me. I will always want to love like Jesus but I'll never be able to love as deeply as Jesus! Although I yearn to daily I can't fulfill like Him !
And so I come before you learning to accept my weaknesses because on my own I can't  live. It is now that I am also reminded that it's truly Jesus who shines in us ! At the same time I say to any one looking on the outside  you can or  have the same power Jesus  has given me!
I'm no better then any of you! I know this growing up in my faith that  watching leaders I respected that they were only who they were because they  had Jesus!
So, if you hunger for this zeal I beg you to come to Jesus because just like the lady at the well we must say to Jesus come fill my cup !( John 4) I say this also because it is Jesus who I need more then I can comprehend! I am especially learning this  in New York because  there will always be a need but only Jesus fills the cup!!

He is my lover and I am so glad He begs me to dance with Him! And it is during our dance I can feel His sweet arms around me knowing I am weak! And in my weakness I learn to surrender the things or places I can't be. Again my love will fail but God's doesn't! So though  I can't reach all I know my Jesus can and does!  And I praise my Abba for He is Holy !!

There Is No Easy Path

 There is no easy path and there are no promises that everything will go your way but there is the promise that the Creator will hold your hand! The past few weeks and days I have observed a lot but what I have been grasping more and more is the Abba is my strength! And He alone will get you when no one else does. You will also have days you wish people could see or hear but remember that's Jesus's desire too! I personally can't imagine what He must see everyday when He looks at us! I mean I think about the fact what I see in New York doesn't compare to what Jesus sees!
It is one of the toughest places I have been but also one of the places I have come to love! If I could let you in to what  I and many others see I think our hearts would be rocked in more ways then one!
And  on that note I want to say while it's not Kentucky I want to say there is beauty here! There are so many stories around us and the adventures here  that keep you alive! I have meet soo many wonderful people and that is one of the reasons I love this place because truth be said I am not your girl that likes fast pace but I do love excitement of seeing the life around me!
There are no places to hike or mountains but there are parks which I plan to explore when it gets warmer. And there really isn't true southern food but there is food from soo many cultures! For example the Tubb's neighbor makes this awesome Buba Kanoosh  which reminds me of hummus !! I am already starting to fall in love here and I thank God for sending me!
At the same time I want to say if you ever make a trip here or any where on the mission field that no one will be as passionate as you are. And  please know there will be days you feel discouraged but that is why you need Jesus to hold you up! Again, I say there is no easy path!  Yes, I am weak but my God is strong and again I emphasize that is what keeps me going !
 I don't have my family here with me or my friends from home but I do have My Jesus and He gives me all I need ! He has given me a wonderful Cornerstone family and that is something to Celebrate! I don't have  a significant other but I have the greatest lover whose name is Jesus !  So with all of this I say  God thank you for taking me to a place that is not comfortable to remember your my comforter !

Let My Voice Be Heard

 I have come to understand the past few weeks that  no one will understand you the way Jesus does. You will try to explain your thoughts a thousand times but He is the only one who can connect with you. I have also come to realize that He is the greatest listener and lover. Although I am and will always be learning this is my desire that I would become more like Jesus. Especially in today's world! I think as people sometimes we try to be so helpful but were not. In fact as I have observed even in my own faults I  have come to own that I too must be aware of how much I listen.
There will be times I don't understand any one either but what I can offer is an ear along with a reminder of who God is. That is what I desire to offer because I know for me it is a frustration when I just want to be heard. Although I know both is important I think if we will open our ears more we may learn more. I mean just the other day as I was coming off the Subway I met a lady whose face was familiar.  This doesn't happen every day because any one who has been to New York knows it's a busy place but stopping just for a brief moment to talk was a reminder I need to stop and I need to listen.
This even goes for people who may be socially awkward to us because the reality were all awkward. I may be wrong but I am sure there are people who think I am awkward. It is even in this morning I wonder who decided whats awkward?
I could be wrong but I think people thought Jesus was awkward too and so when I think of Jesus I think Lord teach me to love. I know by no means I am perfect or will I have it together but I know within my heart that hearts have to change! This even goes for  people who hurt us. I am not saying we by pass them with allowing hurt but behind the hurt is a desire. Our world is constantly hurting and the least we could do is listen!!
Again just my thoughts but even in my own family I realize that I have to be a listener. I know I can't save every human on this earth but if I can be an ear I want to. I want to see this world how Jesus sees it. I want to love my family as God does. By no means is my life perfect but at some point we have to choose to be listeners. So who will you listen to today ?

Don't Forget To Say Thank You

It has been a while since I wrote friends and I would like to take the time to do so! I know many of you have read my updates through news letters and e-mails but I just want to take time to write what God has been teaching me lately! One of the things God has been really pressing in lately is He is God! And it's not that I don't know He's God but to many times my brain gets on a fast track of the " What if's?" I forget I am not meant to know it all. None of us were created that way and if we were we would miss the adventure!

 We were created to just be present but sometimes to be honest that is a hard concept. I find myself wondering a lot when I don't need to. In fact this week a little friend of mine name Sophia was reminding me of how much were called to just be grateful! I had ended up having some sweet time with her Thursday night and as we were going through the toys , to dinner to cookies all the way up to bath time she kept singing " Thank You April, Thank You Mommy, Thank You Daddy etc" And it made my heart stop and realize if I will just remember to say thank you that my heart will find the joy it needs in the unknown.

This one is especially needed this week because I haven't known what my days would be like since I have been waiting on water and  heat in my apartment which has been hard to be honest because I found myself asking so many questions to up simple things like a place of rest. However, God proved to me this week that He knew what He was doing! He gave me some time with the Tubbs, allowed me to enjoy company with my friend Caitlin with yummy middle eastern bread, gave me a retreat a friends house up till Sunday and that  has made all the difference! 

However,I'll be real this is still hard because I am still waiting for my water at my apartment but it is in this moment I am pressed that I have to keep saying thank you like my friend Sophia who is 3! We can't keep telling children to say thank you if we forget to tell our Creator!

And that my friends is hard because  I know that the things I face each day are only temporary but My God is eternal!

I am so learning to have to claim that because if I don't my mind and heart will explode! I'm telling you God has to be my glue! And this is soo important because He gets everything that we don't get! He even gets us when we feel like no one does! For that I am forever thankful today because my heart is too tired to explain all. I have so much I feel or I want to say but I can only live one day at a time!

And I have to trust Him to be the great interpreter of not just this week but my life with all it's visions! So, I am learning to lay them down because I am not God! He is ! Oh praise Him because He is! I write this with a heart saying Lord help me surrender my days!