Lord I Want To Be Enough

 If you are any thing like me you want to feel you are enough! And you want to know someone sees you that is what God has been teaching me lately! And  for me that's a feeling I have been feeling lately! I found myself so carried away that I have forgotten how much control  my Father has! And this is huge to remember especially in the world we live in because lately I've thinking about all the struggles around me. I have been trying to carry everything when it's God's job to carry the world. I forget that He just allows me to be apart of it! And like I have mentioned many times when I have wrote or talked that God is breaking me down to surrender.
In that note I want to say surrender is soo hard!  I've been trying to run in circles but all my Father has been wanting is me!  I've been so concerned  over the little things. I've put my beauty in other things when God should be my first love! And even today I felt my heart tug on me because even though I have been on this high from the worship last night I have been soo consumed  in others hurt instead of trusting them to the One who holds all! Like I mentioned in my last blog God is teaching me He has not called me to perfection but He has called me to be His and in Him I am perfected!
 That is the lesson I am slowly learning even as I think about the worship last night with Kari Jobe and Rend Collective! I have forgotten the same freedom I felt last night in worship I can have it  here too ! I can have it where ever I go! And I can know He will show me where to go. It is like the verse I just read Matthew 6:33 that I must seek Him first!
To which I must own I haven't been so good at lately it  but with this blog God is reminding me as I write to you God is challenging me" Where will I put my energy ? Am I going to see myself as enough in Him ? Am I going to accept Him as enough?"
I think this can apply to any of us no matter our location because I am not going to lie I miss my home town soo much. I miss the  hikes, the root beer stand, the warmer weather, flowers, the falls, feeding ducks with my grandpa, singing in my church choir but I really  know that in end I must learn to let God  be my ultimate satisfaction and I must choose to see the beauty in all! I must choose to  keep going because  I am too blessed to stress as one of my room mates Yvonne told me! I must pick up and go! I must  realize I am me and that it's enough just as one of my favorite songs  Beautiful by Bethany Dillon goes which is what I will end with today !

Let Go of Miss Perfection & Planner

  The past few days God has been reminding me how important it is to take joy! And our  joy is a choice ! We can face our life with joy God's in control or we can sit in mess of frustration. This is what the Lord has been reminding me because I don't know about you but it is so easy for me to let little things get to me. I guess you could call me " Miss. Perfection and Planner."  Yikes ! I never thought I would give myself that title but I have seen her come a lot these past few days especially because I'm such a planner but unfortunately God has had to show me that  He is the planner!
Especially the past few months I've been in New York in just little things such as my plan to make soup with a friend but that didn't happen because of sickness in  the family. Although I have to be real that this has been a constant lesson for me. I can't tell you how many times I thought my life was going one way but went another I mean  honestly I  could list them:

•  April thought she would be a teacher but ends up being a Human Service major
• April thought she would transfer to Boyce but God kept her at Cumberland
•  April  thought she would be with this high school boy after college but God decides to teach her the gift of singleness
• April thought she was going to a Bible study one night but took the bus the wrong way. She ends up in a conversation with  the bus driver

I mean those are just a few  examples in my life. And I have to be honest God is breaking me down in New York! Especially this week because I don't even know how to plan or even  my life for that matter. I've been soo caught up building my dreams that I forgot that God's desires are far greater then mine! And it even goes deeper then my dreams because I tend to let my mistakes rob my joy as well. I'm not just talking about the big things but little such as the day I was using the dish washer at my  friends house and the sippy cup ends up with  a hole in it.

So, I guess even on that note I am learning two lessons into one pre/future parenting/ life tips and  sometimes you just have to  accept the mess. I'm telling you I never realized how hard it can be to claim joy but in all of this I am learning that maybe  April needs to be ok with not being perfect. I 'm not sure where I even thought I was but again we all know how the human mind can work! So, I think if I had to stand back and telling you the lesson I am really embracing it would be letting go of perfection and  planning! And so I with all of this I just want to say  that having a little mess or not knowing is ok =)  Something to learn to claim ! Praise God!