Lord I Want To Be Enough

 If you are any thing like me you want to feel you are enough! And you want to know someone sees you that is what God has been teaching me lately! And  for me that's a feeling I have been feeling lately! I found myself so carried away that I have forgotten how much control  my Father has! And this is huge to remember especially in the world we live in because lately I've thinking about all the struggles around me. I have been trying to carry everything when it's God's job to carry the world. I forget that He just allows me to be apart of it! And like I have mentioned many times when I have wrote or talked that God is breaking me down to surrender.
In that note I want to say surrender is soo hard!  I've been trying to run in circles but all my Father has been wanting is me!  I've been so concerned  over the little things. I've put my beauty in other things when God should be my first love! And even today I felt my heart tug on me because even though I have been on this high from the worship last night I have been soo consumed  in others hurt instead of trusting them to the One who holds all! Like I mentioned in my last blog God is teaching me He has not called me to perfection but He has called me to be His and in Him I am perfected!
 That is the lesson I am slowly learning even as I think about the worship last night with Kari Jobe and Rend Collective! I have forgotten the same freedom I felt last night in worship I can have it  here too ! I can have it where ever I go! And I can know He will show me where to go. It is like the verse I just read Matthew 6:33 that I must seek Him first!
To which I must own I haven't been so good at lately it  but with this blog God is reminding me as I write to you God is challenging me" Where will I put my energy ? Am I going to see myself as enough in Him ? Am I going to accept Him as enough?"
I think this can apply to any of us no matter our location because I am not going to lie I miss my home town soo much. I miss the  hikes, the root beer stand, the warmer weather, flowers, the falls, feeding ducks with my grandpa, singing in my church choir but I really  know that in end I must learn to let God  be my ultimate satisfaction and I must choose to see the beauty in all! I must choose to  keep going because  I am too blessed to stress as one of my room mates Yvonne told me! I must pick up and go! I must  realize I am me and that it's enough just as one of my favorite songs  Beautiful by Bethany Dillon goes which is what I will end with today !

Let Go of Miss Perfection & Planner

  The past few days God has been reminding me how important it is to take joy! And our  joy is a choice ! We can face our life with joy God's in control or we can sit in mess of frustration. This is what the Lord has been reminding me because I don't know about you but it is so easy for me to let little things get to me. I guess you could call me " Miss. Perfection and Planner."  Yikes ! I never thought I would give myself that title but I have seen her come a lot these past few days especially because I'm such a planner but unfortunately God has had to show me that  He is the planner!
Especially the past few months I've been in New York in just little things such as my plan to make soup with a friend but that didn't happen because of sickness in  the family. Although I have to be real that this has been a constant lesson for me. I can't tell you how many times I thought my life was going one way but went another I mean  honestly I  could list them:

•  April thought she would be a teacher but ends up being a Human Service major
• April thought she would transfer to Boyce but God kept her at Cumberland
•  April  thought she would be with this high school boy after college but God decides to teach her the gift of singleness
• April thought she was going to a Bible study one night but took the bus the wrong way. She ends up in a conversation with  the bus driver

I mean those are just a few  examples in my life. And I have to be honest God is breaking me down in New York! Especially this week because I don't even know how to plan or even  my life for that matter. I've been soo caught up building my dreams that I forgot that God's desires are far greater then mine! And it even goes deeper then my dreams because I tend to let my mistakes rob my joy as well. I'm not just talking about the big things but little such as the day I was using the dish washer at my  friends house and the sippy cup ends up with  a hole in it.

So, I guess even on that note I am learning two lessons into one pre/future parenting/ life tips and  sometimes you just have to  accept the mess. I'm telling you I never realized how hard it can be to claim joy but in all of this I am learning that maybe  April needs to be ok with not being perfect. I 'm not sure where I even thought I was but again we all know how the human mind can work! So, I think if I had to stand back and telling you the lesson I am really embracing it would be letting go of perfection and  planning! And so I with all of this I just want to say  that having a little mess or not knowing is ok =)  Something to learn to claim ! Praise God!

Don't Look At Me

 " Don't look at me if your looking for perfection. Don't look at me I will only let you down but I will do my best to point you  in the right direction..." Stacie Orrico


I don't know how many of your remember that song " Don't Look At Me ", but I remember it being one of my favorite songs in middle school and now that I am older I see so much truth in the song. This isn't a  song I really listen to any more but  as I think about the words I am coming to own I will let people down who are   around me. I will always want to love like Jesus but I'll never be able to love as deeply as Jesus! Although I yearn to daily I can't fulfill like Him !
And so I come before you learning to accept my weaknesses because on my own I can't  live. It is now that I am also reminded that it's truly Jesus who shines in us ! At the same time I say to any one looking on the outside  you can or  have the same power Jesus  has given me!
I'm no better then any of you! I know this growing up in my faith that  watching leaders I respected that they were only who they were because they  had Jesus!
So, if you hunger for this zeal I beg you to come to Jesus because just like the lady at the well we must say to Jesus come fill my cup !( John 4) I say this also because it is Jesus who I need more then I can comprehend! I am especially learning this  in New York because  there will always be a need but only Jesus fills the cup!!

He is my lover and I am so glad He begs me to dance with Him! And it is during our dance I can feel His sweet arms around me knowing I am weak! And in my weakness I learn to surrender the things or places I can't be. Again my love will fail but God's doesn't! So though  I can't reach all I know my Jesus can and does!  And I praise my Abba for He is Holy !!

There Is No Easy Path

 There is no easy path and there are no promises that everything will go your way but there is the promise that the Creator will hold your hand! The past few weeks and days I have observed a lot but what I have been grasping more and more is the Abba is my strength! And He alone will get you when no one else does. You will also have days you wish people could see or hear but remember that's Jesus's desire too! I personally can't imagine what He must see everyday when He looks at us! I mean I think about the fact what I see in New York doesn't compare to what Jesus sees!
It is one of the toughest places I have been but also one of the places I have come to love! If I could let you in to what  I and many others see I think our hearts would be rocked in more ways then one!
And  on that note I want to say while it's not Kentucky I want to say there is beauty here! There are so many stories around us and the adventures here  that keep you alive! I have meet soo many wonderful people and that is one of the reasons I love this place because truth be said I am not your girl that likes fast pace but I do love excitement of seeing the life around me!
There are no places to hike or mountains but there are parks which I plan to explore when it gets warmer. And there really isn't true southern food but there is food from soo many cultures! For example the Tubb's neighbor makes this awesome Buba Kanoosh  which reminds me of hummus !! I am already starting to fall in love here and I thank God for sending me!
At the same time I want to say if you ever make a trip here or any where on the mission field that no one will be as passionate as you are. And  please know there will be days you feel discouraged but that is why you need Jesus to hold you up! Again, I say there is no easy path!  Yes, I am weak but my God is strong and again I emphasize that is what keeps me going !
 I don't have my family here with me or my friends from home but I do have My Jesus and He gives me all I need ! He has given me a wonderful Cornerstone family and that is something to Celebrate! I don't have  a significant other but I have the greatest lover whose name is Jesus !  So with all of this I say  God thank you for taking me to a place that is not comfortable to remember your my comforter !

Let My Voice Be Heard

 I have come to understand the past few weeks that  no one will understand you the way Jesus does. You will try to explain your thoughts a thousand times but He is the only one who can connect with you. I have also come to realize that He is the greatest listener and lover. Although I am and will always be learning this is my desire that I would become more like Jesus. Especially in today's world! I think as people sometimes we try to be so helpful but were not. In fact as I have observed even in my own faults I  have come to own that I too must be aware of how much I listen.
There will be times I don't understand any one either but what I can offer is an ear along with a reminder of who God is. That is what I desire to offer because I know for me it is a frustration when I just want to be heard. Although I know both is important I think if we will open our ears more we may learn more. I mean just the other day as I was coming off the Subway I met a lady whose face was familiar.  This doesn't happen every day because any one who has been to New York knows it's a busy place but stopping just for a brief moment to talk was a reminder I need to stop and I need to listen.
This even goes for people who may be socially awkward to us because the reality were all awkward. I may be wrong but I am sure there are people who think I am awkward. It is even in this morning I wonder who decided whats awkward?
I could be wrong but I think people thought Jesus was awkward too and so when I think of Jesus I think Lord teach me to love. I know by no means I am perfect or will I have it together but I know within my heart that hearts have to change! This even goes for  people who hurt us. I am not saying we by pass them with allowing hurt but behind the hurt is a desire. Our world is constantly hurting and the least we could do is listen!!
Again just my thoughts but even in my own family I realize that I have to be a listener. I know I can't save every human on this earth but if I can be an ear I want to. I want to see this world how Jesus sees it. I want to love my family as God does. By no means is my life perfect but at some point we have to choose to be listeners. So who will you listen to today ?

Don't Forget To Say Thank You

It has been a while since I wrote friends and I would like to take the time to do so! I know many of you have read my updates through news letters and e-mails but I just want to take time to write what God has been teaching me lately! One of the things God has been really pressing in lately is He is God! And it's not that I don't know He's God but to many times my brain gets on a fast track of the " What if's?" I forget I am not meant to know it all. None of us were created that way and if we were we would miss the adventure!

 We were created to just be present but sometimes to be honest that is a hard concept. I find myself wondering a lot when I don't need to. In fact this week a little friend of mine name Sophia was reminding me of how much were called to just be grateful! I had ended up having some sweet time with her Thursday night and as we were going through the toys , to dinner to cookies all the way up to bath time she kept singing " Thank You April, Thank You Mommy, Thank You Daddy etc" And it made my heart stop and realize if I will just remember to say thank you that my heart will find the joy it needs in the unknown.

This one is especially needed this week because I haven't known what my days would be like since I have been waiting on water and  heat in my apartment which has been hard to be honest because I found myself asking so many questions to up simple things like a place of rest. However, God proved to me this week that He knew what He was doing! He gave me some time with the Tubbs, allowed me to enjoy company with my friend Caitlin with yummy middle eastern bread, gave me a retreat a friends house up till Sunday and that  has made all the difference! 

However,I'll be real this is still hard because I am still waiting for my water at my apartment but it is in this moment I am pressed that I have to keep saying thank you like my friend Sophia who is 3! We can't keep telling children to say thank you if we forget to tell our Creator!

And that my friends is hard because  I know that the things I face each day are only temporary but My God is eternal!

I am so learning to have to claim that because if I don't my mind and heart will explode! I'm telling you God has to be my glue! And this is soo important because He gets everything that we don't get! He even gets us when we feel like no one does! For that I am forever thankful today because my heart is too tired to explain all. I have so much I feel or I want to say but I can only live one day at a time!

And I have to trust Him to be the great interpreter of not just this week but my life with all it's visions! So, I am learning to lay them down because I am not God! He is ! Oh praise Him because He is! I write this with a heart saying Lord help me surrender my days!

Rejoice In The Lord Always

     " Rejoice in the Lord And Again I say Rejoice"

 How familiar are we with this phrase or verse ? I know many of us have heard it but it is one thing to live it! This is one of things I feel like God is challenging me on in having this attitude daily because we do not know what our tomorrows hold. And sometimes I loose sight of this because so much of me wants to have my questions about the future answered or to know what the next day holds and yet God doesn't work that way.
He works in His own timing! I've been learning a lot of that in many areas of  my life and I've had to be reminded that He also calls us just to be HIs but it's so easy to loose sight of that in a busy world or if your stubborn like me and you want to know answers quickly. I'll be honest with you I don't always understand the way God works but He's good even on days I get frustrated like yesterday over just a minor sickness. I didn't like the idea of having to sit back because I wanted to be with my Cornerstone family today but that's what God needed me to do!
I'm telling you even the minor things of life can feel hard. However, I also have to look at at positive things  that slowing down allows me to do such as organizing my drawer, getting to journal watching a movie etc! Those are just a few things I need to remember to celebrate because  if  I don't I 'll forget how much My Father knows or how  good He is! Also, it also reminded me that if I don't slow down I won't be able to care for those I do care about like I would like to!
 And so with all this in note I just want to write in words of encouragement that it's always better to rest and rejoice  even when you don't feel it because it allows us to have self care!

 Philippians 4:4-7 Check it Out Today !

A Piece In The Works

  As I start this blog I am thinking where do I begin because I feel half the time there is so much to say.  I think in the past couple of days I have been doing some dissecting and one of the areas I have been working on  has been not over thinking but also the acceptance that God designed me a certain way for a reason.  I'm not condoning it's ok to worry but I do want to speak from aside of those who are over thinkers or it could just be my opinion.
I don't know about you but I struggle with my mind  and it goes even more deeply to  being comfortable in my own skin. And because of that I end up taking my mind through a wild goose chase trying to figure out is there something wrong with me. I know that's not true because Psalm 139 tells me I am fearfully and wonderfully made but when people tell me I'm over thinking, I question my thinking.
You see this isn't healthy because the only person who should matter is God but I confess I'm human and  it's a flaw of mine. I also want to shed light to outsiders if you want to be encouragement to us over thinkers I think the best thing you can do is don't say " Your over thinking." Again perhaps it's my thought but it's hard when you  know it's a struggle and those are the words that bounce off to you.

I also want to share that  it is a daily battle to be confident in Christ! I know that seems to be a hot topic in some of my writings! However, I say this to remind us all whatever our struggle is we have to be willing to pick up our swords! I know I am learning that daily in my time here in NY but of course I think this one is an on going lesson, no matter the location! I think at the same truth for those of us who struggle to be  confident in our own skin that  we have to learn to own our weakness.
So, I would own that title " An Over Thinker" and I know this probably sounds confusing but what I am trying to draw a point to is that there's usually a root to who we are and as mentioned over and over mine is being confident!

I want to say I don't always wake up feeling that woman God has made me but I am learning to grasp that! And I am realizing that  it is when I own my weakness that God becomes not just my  controller but my strength! So, I am writing to you brothers and sisters to know we are all a piece in the works!

We Are More Than Titles

In a world today it seems like if you hold a title that there is an expectation of you rather it is good or bad. Everyone or should I say society has an opinion of who you should be. I have especially been doing some thinking with that as an Intern. I have never had a formal role in church and I don't know if you can call it that but being on staff for the first time at a church has made me think about what it  might be like to go through a ministers head.  For me I have thought about , " Lord , how do I represent you well ?", because I know in reality that I will let people down. I would like to say I can meet every need asked of me but truth is I am not God.
I can only offer to be the hands and feet that Jesus allows me to be! This is a heavy lesson especially as I have thought about the things around me  from a person who may be homeless or a friend who is hurting. My first reaction is to run and be a band-aid but truth I can't meet like Jesus can!Of course to be honest with you I think I even build these expectations up in my head as well.
It's not easy my friends to live in the world we live in friends especially as Christians! We so truly forget that or I think that we do , all Christ wants us to please Him ! And when we please Him then out that will flow the heart of ministry!
My friends it is so important to walk in Christ! I am so heavily learning that because if I don't I find I drown myself in my own strength when what I really need is God's strength!  So, I check in today's reality I am not God. I am not in control! He is God!

Ephesians 5:8-10
For you were once darkness but now you are in the light in the Lord. Live as children in the light for the fruit of the light consist in all goodness and righteousness and truth and find out what  pleases the Lord

Let Go & Be

 The past couple of weeks or I should say few months God has been teaching me about control.  I'll be honest with you  graduating college has been a strange spot for me. It was like a wake up call that life was beginning in the real world and  I was now stepping into the unknown even more because  at least when I was on campus I knew I would have classes and that was my place. Then because God has a great sense of humor  I ended up  in a place of not knowing to  knowing. I mean it has seem like a cycle because I went from graduating to being in Colorado to  a call center til the time I landed in NY for a commitment of being here for one year. This my friends is a lot to take in but it's not necessairly a bad place becaue it pushes me to rely on God!

And it's been also pushing me into surrendering my dreams to God which is supper hard because I have had so many  ideas in life that in the honest truth I have had to learn to let go. I would never have imagined God calling me to NY but He did!  

I would never have told you that I would come here for a year if you asked me  during my first trip to NY on mission with the 1:8 team but that's just how God rolls! He puts us in the unpredictable! I still don't know what that means  to be honest. I just know God is teaching me to be a woman that says " Yes." So,  as I write to you I write this saying that   God is soo good at pushing us to trust Him because  I feel like NY is definately putting me in more training of that mindset.

I think it is also pushing me out of my comfort zone in can I accept God's direction even though I don't know whats ahead especially with the whole idea I am turning 25 in April which honestly has been such a big deal for me for some reason haha but again God is good and so we got to trust! This is a lot friend because  if I really think about my desires or start looking at where others are my age I loose sight of that God is in control and He knows how my life flows!

 I'm not going to lie surrendering control is hard because if you asked me of my idea life I would tell you these are a few things I've desired:

*  To  be in full time ministry

*  To  work with women in ownership of their worth & beauty

* To work with youth

*  To  maybe be a counselor or  work with college students  in some capacity

* To be married to a man who  I can be a team with but loves Jesus more than me

* To adopt or have kids of my own

* To  maybe work in a coffee shop as ministry 

 * To speak ( Teach)

* To be a facilitator in Churches with growth if that is the correct phrasing

I mean lets get real the list grows ! And I am not sharing this as " Whoa, lets look at the single girl as being discontent" I am sharing this because even the most content single people have desires too or so as in my opinion. At the same time I love  the place I am in because even though control is hard for me as mentioned I love it because the stage I am in gives me an opportunity to grow in ways I may not if I were with someone.

At the same time this doesn't mean  I don't want a relationship or any of these other dreams. I just know for now God has given me the opportunity to have the life of  the unpredictable and so it is  strange space but  again I get to learn more about my reliance on God in the unknown and I get  to learn to walk in God's control and not mine. So in all my ramblings I like to share this as  praise of this stage in life and  process of learning!

Colossions 1:17

       In my last piece I touched on control but I also want to touch on strength! He has been teaching me that ministry isn't always easy but we wake up and fight because we can't live defeated! I'll be honest it's been a battle of the mind along with many other things; however to sit back would be to miss God's blessings and glory each day even on days we feel so weak! It is in this season on the mission field I learn to say " Jesus loves me this I know. I am weak but He is strong Yes Jesus loves me."

Yes, I know it is a simple child's song but sometimes hearts really need to sing it loud and proud! I know my hearts needed it because in NY I have been challenged in this way. I have found that  there will be days we may feel like we don't know our place and there may be days we question God but He is oh so good! I share this because I know when I peal back the layers I don't have it all together. Also, please know when I share this I am sharing this because even the Christian who seems well put together has their layers too. I also share this because there are days we may see what Jesus sees. And to be honest that's where I 've felt some days but the honest truth  I know those are lies from the pit of hell.

I still get humbled to know God wants to use me because if you and I were to be heart to heart I would tell you often I see a mess or I feel a mess of emotions some days because I wear my emotions on my sleeve. In fact many of you may or wouldn't know this because I reserve a  lot. However, I know that there is no time to hide because my God has called me to be bold! And reality I am not always going to feel it but that's why I need to lean on God! For at the end of my day God is the only one who can hold my hand! 

He is the one who can hold everything when I can't and so I praise Him because I so often forget that. However, I know we are called to fight!  It also in this season that I am being reminded we must live with all we have everyday because life isn't always going to stop when we feel  weak.  We have to be able to lean on Jesus in those moments because  the truth is there are so many people hurting around us as well. We have to realize what we feel is temporary but in the end we have the promise of victory if we know Jesus!

I share this also because I think we so often forget this truth!  And that is why strength in Him is important! So, if your feeling a little weak friends remember were all weak. That's apart of our brokenness and that's why Jesus came! So, if you need to have a moment I invite you with me to sing "Jesus Loves me, I am weak but He is strong" Praise God ! I don't have to have it together , although there are days I would like He holds me Colossions 1:17

My Story

 Lately I have been in a heavy writing mood and I've been writing a lot about what God has been teaching me but today I would like to stop and pause to tell my story that God has given me!  My journey for me starts in Ann Arbor Michigan. I was born there on April 18th 1989 that's when  I started my little adventure of life being outside the womb. I can't remember much of course but I think this day is significant because it's when God decided to put me here. Ever since then life has been a journey from the time I started learning about life from the basic steps of walking to  learning how to talk. Little could I comprehend that life would be more then learning  how to live but knowing life was more than the air I breathed!
In fact the older I became the more I became aware of life and who created me. I was told stories growing up and told everyday rather it was  at home or  at church that God loved me! And that is when life really begun for me! It was at age 6 that I choose to say yes to Jesus!  I didn't know what the yes meant at the time but I knew I wanted Jesus in my life! Therefore our friendship began learning  who He was and what it meant to follow!
And ever since then there has been no regrets from the good to the hard times! In fact I would say to you that the hard times were some of my greatest moments to draw into God's character. I am not saying that  I enjoyed them or wished for them but it is proof in my life that God can turn ashes into beauty. I also don't want to be misunderstood because for the most part I grew up happy but like any one who has ventured in this life I have had my moments such as my parents divorce. That was probably one of the hardest moments in my life because I didn't understand the choice of my parents.
I also felt like I was missing out from having a dad. In fact this made me jealous of other girls around me because I so wished to be the daddy's girl. At the same time I have to give my mom full credit for being a single mom! I can't imagine what it's been like or is sometimes but I am learning to appreciate her for what she has done or did. I wont' act  like its easy  though because  it's still a wound that I have to carry because I still wonder things what it would have been like to have a dad to guide me in relationships or  life in general. I miss the fact that if I ever get married I won't get to do the Father daughter dance like I would like but again My Heavenly Father has taught me that I can't let my wounds hold me down. So, without rambling I share this part of my life to say there are no perfect families or  Christians. We all go through stuff and  for me I look at this moment as a time to rely on God.!
At the same time I want to celebrated what God has done in my life because even though I come from a broken family, my God still watched over me in my teen years. It was during my high school years especially that God started molding me into my passions but also learning to live in freedom of being me. In fact it was in high school that I felt called to ministry. During my Sophomore year  I felt God call me into full time missions but at that time I didn't know what that meant and I am still learning.  To be honest with you  I'm just now grasping what this means in the sense of following.
I say this because  even though I recognized  my heart in high school, for me my true growth in my opinion took place in college. Of course this doesn't mean we stop growing! I just feel like that's when God started molding me more in that part of understanding my calling has to start with being. So, during college God started showing me parts of me. And as I 've started to understand parts of me He has started showing me His desires of directions.
Of course we never fully know ourselves completely but I needed this moment in my life because I had been so lost in the doing that I lost the heart of  who I am. So, from there I learned  that when I learn to be then out of being will flow ministry. And  so now in a nut shell if I can get there I would say I am learning to surrender more because like many of you I have my dreams and ambitions.
I have an idea of how I would love for my life to go but I think today I stand here at age 24 realizing that is impossible to know all. I can't let life defeat me. I have to continue to accept who I am and know that God is perfectly aware of all my needs. And while I probably could write a book I feel like it's best for me to conclude that  life is an on going process but when you  get the chance to share. Share your story because you never know what part will impact!

Your Worth More Than Gold

 Do you ever have days where you feel like your a diamond in the rough  and it's hard to see past the rough ? I know I have those days !  And I want to see more then a girl who is a mess. I know this probably only a picture in my head  but I'll confess it is so hard to see what Christ sees on a daily basis. This probably sounds all together crazy for a girl who believes in God right ? However,I think that the truth is if we really confessed our thoughts as humans , we would find that it is a fight or at least for me. I mean it still overwhelms me how much God would love me !
 I can't imagine why but to really take that in makes my heart melt! I can't get over that God would see so much worth in us to become human and die on a cross so that I may hope  or even you ! This really blows my mind because I think God is more patient with me than I am myself! And I have to step back and say " Wow God Wow!"
 I mean I'll be the first to confess that I am a beater. I beat myself up a lot on the inside because I want to be more but really I need to accept that all Christ wants is me!  And that my friends  is I think is one of the hardest truths to live in is that all  Christ wants is us !  So, today  I  come and say to us , " What would it look like if we wore our crowns knowing were  royalty in God's eyes ?  Think about it as we close off with this song =)

Not One Is Missing

Friend's

I know I have been writing a bit but there is so much I want to write about and so I decided to break it up in sections!  I really am excited about this one because this blog actually goes back to a verse that has been key for me lately Isaiah 40:26 and I think it's became one of my faves because it reminds me that Christ sees me as important even when I don't feel important.  So, before I go on lets just pull up a chair and read this together:

 Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: who created all these? He who brings, out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. Because of His great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.

I really love this verse because it really helps me remember that even though I may feel like I am in a crowd of people that Jesus sees me. And to be honest it is so easy to feel this way in New York. That's actually how I've been feeling some. I know I have friends I've made with in the church but I am still trying to figure out my connections.
I know that sounds crazy for being here for two months but New York is a hard place in my opinion.  And it is definitely teaching me that you have to put yourself out there. At the same time if I know this is a truth in my life to feel known and notice I need to remember there are faces around me who feel the same way. So, I this is a challenge really that  every face I pass needs to be recognized because rather we would admit it or not we all want to be truly known.
This is also cool because this also relates to a devotional I read by Max Lucado that I think I will end with:

 The Shepherd knows His sheep. He calls them by name. When we see a crowd, we see exactly that, a crowd... We see people, not persons , but people. A herd of humans. A flock of faces. That's what we see. But not so with the shephered. To Him every face is different. Every face is a story. Every face is a child. Every child has a name. The Shepherd  knows His sheep. He knows each one by name. The Shepherd  knows you. He knows your name, And He will never forget.

So,  I end with this saying remember if your in this place  today remember your not alone and there is always someone who can relate wanting to be known and seen !

Surrender

   Hello My Friends,

What has God been teaching you ?  As for me God has been showing me a lot and one of the many lessons God has been teaching me is that sometimes I get so  lost in the " Why ?" instead of the " What?" I must confess it has been hard to train my mind  into thinking about the " What" I think so often  I forget how important the " What is" , and that it is ok to not know  This is huge for me because  I think God is starting to slowly show me that  my main concern shouldn't be trying to figure everything out.
Of course this is hard for me because I am such a planner. And like most people I have been that one to say, " Ok Lord, here are my  dreams  and goals , can we make them happen ?" I  am sure many of you can relate. And all I truly know is that I have a heart for missions and ministry.So, to be honest friends I am really having to learn that I don't know and can I accept that it's ok to not know. Such a hard lesson friends!
Therefore, I would say  that in this moment God is  really pressing on my heart, " Surrender"
And that my friend isn't always a fun word but it is the only way to live ! So, friends I ask us both, " What does this word Surrender look like for us?"  And   can I just be ok where I am at knowing God will give me direction ?

So, I end with this note saying God  wherever and whatever let me learn to follow you !

We Are

May God Be Our Calm

 Happy New Year Friends !
I can't believe we are in 2014 ! My mind and heart can hardly keep up! To be honest with you these two weeks almost , my heart has held what seems like fifty billion emotions ! Luckily my Father is big enough to hold my heart even when  I hardly pause to sit still. I would have to admit sitting still these past couple of days have been hard for me because while part of my brain is trying to stay present, I have another part of my brain coming to the realization I will be 25 this year in April. And I am sure those of you are reading this are thinking , " Slow Down".
However, for some reason I find that hard because the thoughts that have flushed through my head are, " Am I really an adult? Is this all going down?" I mean being in my twenties never seem like a big deal til 25 but maybe it's just me. I don't know.
I just know when I think about where I am at I think  how weird is this that I am fixing to turn 25 ?; and yet my life still feels like its in transition. Yet , another part of me is wondering if NY is just seasonal  or does this year mean more!
I really don't  know because as mentioned I think my first blog I would have never imagined coming to NY but NY has made me realize that all I can really do at the end of all my  rambling thoughts is be present. And the is a truth I have known and heard but it's so hard. I am honestly still trying to figure out what that means. I say this because while I am trying to pause I am also trying to just be where I am at . I am telling you having a brain like this makes me want to switch brains some days. I mean I think for any one who has came to NY you know that you truly learn flexibility because for example, you can't  control the Subways.
You have to think ahead. It's not like where you have a car and you know you'll be there in so many minutes.
You have to be open that there there may be delays or  deal with rush hour and transfer. I mean you seriously have to realize that NY doesn't adjust to you and that you have to adjust to NY.I really can't explain it unless you have been here. I mean there are some days I feel like I am in a foreign place because  I have to adjust myself to so many things beside the subways. I have to think about even little things like food because there are some ingredients I can't buy or  simple things like such. For me NY is a whole other world on top of the fact this is the first time I would really ever maybe consider myself being out on my own.
I mean I just graduated college last year and I went from Colorado, a month at the call center to  NY.
Talk about craziness!
I am telling I am learning what it means to really know your heart is in God's hands! And it is tough but I share all this because  life is hard at times and the reality no matter how much I try to sort out my thoughts I can only be  where I am at trusting God!  So, I would tell you that that your not alone and  hopefully my blog can encourage someone else because sometime I think our brains seem like they are just floating around but at the end of the day we just have to sit! And so with all this said I ask you to pray for me and perhaps this has maybe even touched someone today who needed to know they are not alone because I know sometimes my mind is soo crazy and this is how I feel. So, may God be our calm !