Rejoice In The Lord Always

     " Rejoice in the Lord And Again I say Rejoice"

 How familiar are we with this phrase or verse ? I know many of us have heard it but it is one thing to live it! This is one of things I feel like God is challenging me on in having this attitude daily because we do not know what our tomorrows hold. And sometimes I loose sight of this because so much of me wants to have my questions about the future answered or to know what the next day holds and yet God doesn't work that way.
He works in His own timing! I've been learning a lot of that in many areas of  my life and I've had to be reminded that He also calls us just to be HIs but it's so easy to loose sight of that in a busy world or if your stubborn like me and you want to know answers quickly. I'll be honest with you I don't always understand the way God works but He's good even on days I get frustrated like yesterday over just a minor sickness. I didn't like the idea of having to sit back because I wanted to be with my Cornerstone family today but that's what God needed me to do!
I'm telling you even the minor things of life can feel hard. However, I also have to look at at positive things  that slowing down allows me to do such as organizing my drawer, getting to journal watching a movie etc! Those are just a few things I need to remember to celebrate because  if  I don't I 'll forget how much My Father knows or how  good He is! Also, it also reminded me that if I don't slow down I won't be able to care for those I do care about like I would like to!
 And so with all this in note I just want to write in words of encouragement that it's always better to rest and rejoice  even when you don't feel it because it allows us to have self care!

 Philippians 4:4-7 Check it Out Today !

A Piece In The Works

  As I start this blog I am thinking where do I begin because I feel half the time there is so much to say.  I think in the past couple of days I have been doing some dissecting and one of the areas I have been working on  has been not over thinking but also the acceptance that God designed me a certain way for a reason.  I'm not condoning it's ok to worry but I do want to speak from aside of those who are over thinkers or it could just be my opinion.
I don't know about you but I struggle with my mind  and it goes even more deeply to  being comfortable in my own skin. And because of that I end up taking my mind through a wild goose chase trying to figure out is there something wrong with me. I know that's not true because Psalm 139 tells me I am fearfully and wonderfully made but when people tell me I'm over thinking, I question my thinking.
You see this isn't healthy because the only person who should matter is God but I confess I'm human and  it's a flaw of mine. I also want to shed light to outsiders if you want to be encouragement to us over thinkers I think the best thing you can do is don't say " Your over thinking." Again perhaps it's my thought but it's hard when you  know it's a struggle and those are the words that bounce off to you.

I also want to share that  it is a daily battle to be confident in Christ! I know that seems to be a hot topic in some of my writings! However, I say this to remind us all whatever our struggle is we have to be willing to pick up our swords! I know I am learning that daily in my time here in NY but of course I think this one is an on going lesson, no matter the location! I think at the same truth for those of us who struggle to be  confident in our own skin that  we have to learn to own our weakness.
So, I would own that title " An Over Thinker" and I know this probably sounds confusing but what I am trying to draw a point to is that there's usually a root to who we are and as mentioned over and over mine is being confident!

I want to say I don't always wake up feeling that woman God has made me but I am learning to grasp that! And I am realizing that  it is when I own my weakness that God becomes not just my  controller but my strength! So, I am writing to you brothers and sisters to know we are all a piece in the works!

We Are More Than Titles

In a world today it seems like if you hold a title that there is an expectation of you rather it is good or bad. Everyone or should I say society has an opinion of who you should be. I have especially been doing some thinking with that as an Intern. I have never had a formal role in church and I don't know if you can call it that but being on staff for the first time at a church has made me think about what it  might be like to go through a ministers head.  For me I have thought about , " Lord , how do I represent you well ?", because I know in reality that I will let people down. I would like to say I can meet every need asked of me but truth is I am not God.
I can only offer to be the hands and feet that Jesus allows me to be! This is a heavy lesson especially as I have thought about the things around me  from a person who may be homeless or a friend who is hurting. My first reaction is to run and be a band-aid but truth I can't meet like Jesus can!Of course to be honest with you I think I even build these expectations up in my head as well.
It's not easy my friends to live in the world we live in friends especially as Christians! We so truly forget that or I think that we do , all Christ wants us to please Him ! And when we please Him then out that will flow the heart of ministry!
My friends it is so important to walk in Christ! I am so heavily learning that because if I don't I find I drown myself in my own strength when what I really need is God's strength!  So, I check in today's reality I am not God. I am not in control! He is God!

Ephesians 5:8-10
For you were once darkness but now you are in the light in the Lord. Live as children in the light for the fruit of the light consist in all goodness and righteousness and truth and find out what  pleases the Lord

Let Go & Be

 The past couple of weeks or I should say few months God has been teaching me about control.  I'll be honest with you  graduating college has been a strange spot for me. It was like a wake up call that life was beginning in the real world and  I was now stepping into the unknown even more because  at least when I was on campus I knew I would have classes and that was my place. Then because God has a great sense of humor  I ended up  in a place of not knowing to  knowing. I mean it has seem like a cycle because I went from graduating to being in Colorado to  a call center til the time I landed in NY for a commitment of being here for one year. This my friends is a lot to take in but it's not necessairly a bad place becaue it pushes me to rely on God!

And it's been also pushing me into surrendering my dreams to God which is supper hard because I have had so many  ideas in life that in the honest truth I have had to learn to let go. I would never have imagined God calling me to NY but He did!  

I would never have told you that I would come here for a year if you asked me  during my first trip to NY on mission with the 1:8 team but that's just how God rolls! He puts us in the unpredictable! I still don't know what that means  to be honest. I just know God is teaching me to be a woman that says " Yes." So,  as I write to you I write this saying that   God is soo good at pushing us to trust Him because  I feel like NY is definately putting me in more training of that mindset.

I think it is also pushing me out of my comfort zone in can I accept God's direction even though I don't know whats ahead especially with the whole idea I am turning 25 in April which honestly has been such a big deal for me for some reason haha but again God is good and so we got to trust! This is a lot friend because  if I really think about my desires or start looking at where others are my age I loose sight of that God is in control and He knows how my life flows!

 I'm not going to lie surrendering control is hard because if you asked me of my idea life I would tell you these are a few things I've desired:

*  To  be in full time ministry

*  To  work with women in ownership of their worth & beauty

* To work with youth

*  To  maybe be a counselor or  work with college students  in some capacity

* To be married to a man who  I can be a team with but loves Jesus more than me

* To adopt or have kids of my own

* To  maybe work in a coffee shop as ministry 

 * To speak ( Teach)

* To be a facilitator in Churches with growth if that is the correct phrasing

I mean lets get real the list grows ! And I am not sharing this as " Whoa, lets look at the single girl as being discontent" I am sharing this because even the most content single people have desires too or so as in my opinion. At the same time I love  the place I am in because even though control is hard for me as mentioned I love it because the stage I am in gives me an opportunity to grow in ways I may not if I were with someone.

At the same time this doesn't mean  I don't want a relationship or any of these other dreams. I just know for now God has given me the opportunity to have the life of  the unpredictable and so it is  strange space but  again I get to learn more about my reliance on God in the unknown and I get  to learn to walk in God's control and not mine. So in all my ramblings I like to share this as  praise of this stage in life and  process of learning!

Colossions 1:17

       In my last piece I touched on control but I also want to touch on strength! He has been teaching me that ministry isn't always easy but we wake up and fight because we can't live defeated! I'll be honest it's been a battle of the mind along with many other things; however to sit back would be to miss God's blessings and glory each day even on days we feel so weak! It is in this season on the mission field I learn to say " Jesus loves me this I know. I am weak but He is strong Yes Jesus loves me."

Yes, I know it is a simple child's song but sometimes hearts really need to sing it loud and proud! I know my hearts needed it because in NY I have been challenged in this way. I have found that  there will be days we may feel like we don't know our place and there may be days we question God but He is oh so good! I share this because I know when I peal back the layers I don't have it all together. Also, please know when I share this I am sharing this because even the Christian who seems well put together has their layers too. I also share this because there are days we may see what Jesus sees. And to be honest that's where I 've felt some days but the honest truth  I know those are lies from the pit of hell.

I still get humbled to know God wants to use me because if you and I were to be heart to heart I would tell you often I see a mess or I feel a mess of emotions some days because I wear my emotions on my sleeve. In fact many of you may or wouldn't know this because I reserve a  lot. However, I know that there is no time to hide because my God has called me to be bold! And reality I am not always going to feel it but that's why I need to lean on God! For at the end of my day God is the only one who can hold my hand! 

He is the one who can hold everything when I can't and so I praise Him because I so often forget that. However, I know we are called to fight!  It also in this season that I am being reminded we must live with all we have everyday because life isn't always going to stop when we feel  weak.  We have to be able to lean on Jesus in those moments because  the truth is there are so many people hurting around us as well. We have to realize what we feel is temporary but in the end we have the promise of victory if we know Jesus!

I share this also because I think we so often forget this truth!  And that is why strength in Him is important! So, if your feeling a little weak friends remember were all weak. That's apart of our brokenness and that's why Jesus came! So, if you need to have a moment I invite you with me to sing "Jesus Loves me, I am weak but He is strong" Praise God ! I don't have to have it together , although there are days I would like He holds me Colossions 1:17

My Story

 Lately I have been in a heavy writing mood and I've been writing a lot about what God has been teaching me but today I would like to stop and pause to tell my story that God has given me!  My journey for me starts in Ann Arbor Michigan. I was born there on April 18th 1989 that's when  I started my little adventure of life being outside the womb. I can't remember much of course but I think this day is significant because it's when God decided to put me here. Ever since then life has been a journey from the time I started learning about life from the basic steps of walking to  learning how to talk. Little could I comprehend that life would be more then learning  how to live but knowing life was more than the air I breathed!
In fact the older I became the more I became aware of life and who created me. I was told stories growing up and told everyday rather it was  at home or  at church that God loved me! And that is when life really begun for me! It was at age 6 that I choose to say yes to Jesus!  I didn't know what the yes meant at the time but I knew I wanted Jesus in my life! Therefore our friendship began learning  who He was and what it meant to follow!
And ever since then there has been no regrets from the good to the hard times! In fact I would say to you that the hard times were some of my greatest moments to draw into God's character. I am not saying that  I enjoyed them or wished for them but it is proof in my life that God can turn ashes into beauty. I also don't want to be misunderstood because for the most part I grew up happy but like any one who has ventured in this life I have had my moments such as my parents divorce. That was probably one of the hardest moments in my life because I didn't understand the choice of my parents.
I also felt like I was missing out from having a dad. In fact this made me jealous of other girls around me because I so wished to be the daddy's girl. At the same time I have to give my mom full credit for being a single mom! I can't imagine what it's been like or is sometimes but I am learning to appreciate her for what she has done or did. I wont' act  like its easy  though because  it's still a wound that I have to carry because I still wonder things what it would have been like to have a dad to guide me in relationships or  life in general. I miss the fact that if I ever get married I won't get to do the Father daughter dance like I would like but again My Heavenly Father has taught me that I can't let my wounds hold me down. So, without rambling I share this part of my life to say there are no perfect families or  Christians. We all go through stuff and  for me I look at this moment as a time to rely on God.!
At the same time I want to celebrated what God has done in my life because even though I come from a broken family, my God still watched over me in my teen years. It was during my high school years especially that God started molding me into my passions but also learning to live in freedom of being me. In fact it was in high school that I felt called to ministry. During my Sophomore year  I felt God call me into full time missions but at that time I didn't know what that meant and I am still learning.  To be honest with you  I'm just now grasping what this means in the sense of following.
I say this because  even though I recognized  my heart in high school, for me my true growth in my opinion took place in college. Of course this doesn't mean we stop growing! I just feel like that's when God started molding me more in that part of understanding my calling has to start with being. So, during college God started showing me parts of me. And as I 've started to understand parts of me He has started showing me His desires of directions.
Of course we never fully know ourselves completely but I needed this moment in my life because I had been so lost in the doing that I lost the heart of  who I am. So, from there I learned  that when I learn to be then out of being will flow ministry. And  so now in a nut shell if I can get there I would say I am learning to surrender more because like many of you I have my dreams and ambitions.
I have an idea of how I would love for my life to go but I think today I stand here at age 24 realizing that is impossible to know all. I can't let life defeat me. I have to continue to accept who I am and know that God is perfectly aware of all my needs. And while I probably could write a book I feel like it's best for me to conclude that  life is an on going process but when you  get the chance to share. Share your story because you never know what part will impact!

Your Worth More Than Gold

 Do you ever have days where you feel like your a diamond in the rough  and it's hard to see past the rough ? I know I have those days !  And I want to see more then a girl who is a mess. I know this probably only a picture in my head  but I'll confess it is so hard to see what Christ sees on a daily basis. This probably sounds all together crazy for a girl who believes in God right ? However,I think that the truth is if we really confessed our thoughts as humans , we would find that it is a fight or at least for me. I mean it still overwhelms me how much God would love me !
 I can't imagine why but to really take that in makes my heart melt! I can't get over that God would see so much worth in us to become human and die on a cross so that I may hope  or even you ! This really blows my mind because I think God is more patient with me than I am myself! And I have to step back and say " Wow God Wow!"
 I mean I'll be the first to confess that I am a beater. I beat myself up a lot on the inside because I want to be more but really I need to accept that all Christ wants is me!  And that my friends  is I think is one of the hardest truths to live in is that all  Christ wants is us !  So, today  I  come and say to us , " What would it look like if we wore our crowns knowing were  royalty in God's eyes ?  Think about it as we close off with this song =)

Not One Is Missing

Friend's

I know I have been writing a bit but there is so much I want to write about and so I decided to break it up in sections!  I really am excited about this one because this blog actually goes back to a verse that has been key for me lately Isaiah 40:26 and I think it's became one of my faves because it reminds me that Christ sees me as important even when I don't feel important.  So, before I go on lets just pull up a chair and read this together:

 Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: who created all these? He who brings, out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. Because of His great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.

I really love this verse because it really helps me remember that even though I may feel like I am in a crowd of people that Jesus sees me. And to be honest it is so easy to feel this way in New York. That's actually how I've been feeling some. I know I have friends I've made with in the church but I am still trying to figure out my connections.
I know that sounds crazy for being here for two months but New York is a hard place in my opinion.  And it is definitely teaching me that you have to put yourself out there. At the same time if I know this is a truth in my life to feel known and notice I need to remember there are faces around me who feel the same way. So, I this is a challenge really that  every face I pass needs to be recognized because rather we would admit it or not we all want to be truly known.
This is also cool because this also relates to a devotional I read by Max Lucado that I think I will end with:

 The Shepherd knows His sheep. He calls them by name. When we see a crowd, we see exactly that, a crowd... We see people, not persons , but people. A herd of humans. A flock of faces. That's what we see. But not so with the shephered. To Him every face is different. Every face is a story. Every face is a child. Every child has a name. The Shepherd  knows His sheep. He knows each one by name. The Shepherd  knows you. He knows your name, And He will never forget.

So,  I end with this saying remember if your in this place  today remember your not alone and there is always someone who can relate wanting to be known and seen !

Surrender

   Hello My Friends,

What has God been teaching you ?  As for me God has been showing me a lot and one of the many lessons God has been teaching me is that sometimes I get so  lost in the " Why ?" instead of the " What?" I must confess it has been hard to train my mind  into thinking about the " What" I think so often  I forget how important the " What is" , and that it is ok to not know  This is huge for me because  I think God is starting to slowly show me that  my main concern shouldn't be trying to figure everything out.
Of course this is hard for me because I am such a planner. And like most people I have been that one to say, " Ok Lord, here are my  dreams  and goals , can we make them happen ?" I  am sure many of you can relate. And all I truly know is that I have a heart for missions and ministry.So, to be honest friends I am really having to learn that I don't know and can I accept that it's ok to not know. Such a hard lesson friends!
Therefore, I would say  that in this moment God is  really pressing on my heart, " Surrender"
And that my friend isn't always a fun word but it is the only way to live ! So, friends I ask us both, " What does this word Surrender look like for us?"  And   can I just be ok where I am at knowing God will give me direction ?

So, I end with this note saying God  wherever and whatever let me learn to follow you !

We Are

May God Be Our Calm

 Happy New Year Friends !
I can't believe we are in 2014 ! My mind and heart can hardly keep up! To be honest with you these two weeks almost , my heart has held what seems like fifty billion emotions ! Luckily my Father is big enough to hold my heart even when  I hardly pause to sit still. I would have to admit sitting still these past couple of days have been hard for me because while part of my brain is trying to stay present, I have another part of my brain coming to the realization I will be 25 this year in April. And I am sure those of you are reading this are thinking , " Slow Down".
However, for some reason I find that hard because the thoughts that have flushed through my head are, " Am I really an adult? Is this all going down?" I mean being in my twenties never seem like a big deal til 25 but maybe it's just me. I don't know.
I just know when I think about where I am at I think  how weird is this that I am fixing to turn 25 ?; and yet my life still feels like its in transition. Yet , another part of me is wondering if NY is just seasonal  or does this year mean more!
I really don't  know because as mentioned I think my first blog I would have never imagined coming to NY but NY has made me realize that all I can really do at the end of all my  rambling thoughts is be present. And the is a truth I have known and heard but it's so hard. I am honestly still trying to figure out what that means. I say this because while I am trying to pause I am also trying to just be where I am at . I am telling you having a brain like this makes me want to switch brains some days. I mean I think for any one who has came to NY you know that you truly learn flexibility because for example, you can't  control the Subways.
You have to think ahead. It's not like where you have a car and you know you'll be there in so many minutes.
You have to be open that there there may be delays or  deal with rush hour and transfer. I mean you seriously have to realize that NY doesn't adjust to you and that you have to adjust to NY.I really can't explain it unless you have been here. I mean there are some days I feel like I am in a foreign place because  I have to adjust myself to so many things beside the subways. I have to think about even little things like food because there are some ingredients I can't buy or  simple things like such. For me NY is a whole other world on top of the fact this is the first time I would really ever maybe consider myself being out on my own.
I mean I just graduated college last year and I went from Colorado, a month at the call center to  NY.
Talk about craziness!
I am telling I am learning what it means to really know your heart is in God's hands! And it is tough but I share all this because  life is hard at times and the reality no matter how much I try to sort out my thoughts I can only be  where I am at trusting God!  So, I would tell you that that your not alone and  hopefully my blog can encourage someone else because sometime I think our brains seem like they are just floating around but at the end of the day we just have to sit! And so with all this said I ask you to pray for me and perhaps this has maybe even touched someone today who needed to know they are not alone because I know sometimes my mind is soo crazy and this is how I feel. So, may God be our calm !